Line-O-Rama: The Rock Says

IGN goes one-on-one with The Great One's best quotes.

July 2, 2009 - Today, we know Dwayne Johnson from big time Hollywood movies. Sure, he's got charisma to spare, but there's absolutely nothing that can come close to the magic that he created on a weekly basis as The Rock in the WWE. There have been some amazing mic-workers over the years in the world of wrestling, but none will ever surpass The Great One. That's why the self-proclaimed "Most Electrifying Man in Sports Entertainment" is the star of our latest edition of Line-O-Rama.

It might seem strange, and even a bit (hmmm) curious that a man who used to play the most narcissistic, overtly-macho character on TV would now be starring in That Movie Where He's a Gay Thug, That Movie Where He Wears The TuTu and The Upcoming Movie Where He Plays a Fairy. But once upon a time, back during the "Attitude Era" of wrestling, The Rock was the s***heel with crowd appeal. Whether he was good or bad, The Rock was pretty much, always, a dick. The only time he would mention his fans is when he would call out how many millions (and millions) of worshipers he had. The only time he would bring up the hometown arena was when he would talk about how blessed everyone was to see him live and in person ("Finally, The Rock has come back to…[name of city]!").

The Rock had transformed himself from a smiling glad-hander, Rocky Maivia, to a cocky, Elvis-crooning greaser that would only speak about himself in the third-person. The Rock would say things that were strangely unhip, and almost anachronistic, that wound up being so off-the-wall that they became infectious catch-phrases. Back in the day before he was a global phenomenon who would end all of his speeches with "If you smeelllllallalalaow, what the Rock…is…cookin'!," he was an up-and-coming heel who would say it calmly and without need of fanfare; just a casual "you smell what The Rock is cookin?" and that was it. But we all loved it. We had to have more. The Rock would also issue warnings to one and all to "know your role" – which would then constitute, upon completion, "shutting one's mouth." The Rock's entrance-theme, which was a morphing of the old Nation of Domination theme, suddenly had pizzazz – and sound bites! It would open with "Do you smell what The Rock is cookin'!?" and then loop in "know your role and shut your mouth" along with the phrase "The Rock says…" over and over again.

But the strangest, and most remarkable, thing that The Rock did was popularize throwback slang and 60s terminology like "Candy Ass," "Roody Poo" and "Jabroni." He loved talking about taking objects of interest, shining them up real nice, turning them sideways, and then shoving them up someone's ass. The Rock also coined the term "laying the smack down" on someone – as in "to beat someone's ass." The phrase later became one word – "smackdown." During one edition of RAW, The Rock was even kind enough, while crooning, to insert the phrase into the old Elvis song "Heartbreak Hotel." As always, The Rock's ability to combine all of these elements into one big nonsensical, yet beautiful, rant was his most endearing quality. For example:

"The Rock is gonna go down Know Your Role Boulevard, hang that right at Jabroni Drive, and proceed to check your roody poo candy ass in at the Smackdown Hotel! If you smellll what The Rock is cookin'!"

None of that meant a damn thing. But it sure was brilliant. We all know The Rock "basics." The "know your roles." The "what in the blue hells" and "turn that sumbitch sideways" framework that we all grew to adore. Here are some hidden gems from The Brahma Bull that need to be called out on a public platform.


Line 1: " Michael Cole, The Rock thinks you can suck on a monkey's nipple."

Line 2: " "Why do you ask The Rock stupid questions? Why are you an ugly hermaphrodite? Nobody knows, Kevin Kelly."

Line 3: "And Lilian wasn't always a RAW Diva. Lilian used to have a job. She used to work at the sperm bank. She got fired for drinking on the job."

And so it began. The Rock took no quarter when it came to berating the old parade of useless WWF backstage announcers. He accused them all of being sick freaks and perverts who wanted nothing more than to take a gander at The Rock's "strudel." Michael Cole, Kevin Kelly, Lilian Garcia, "Masturbating" Mark Lloyd and, of course, Jonathan Coachman all suffered the slings and arrows of The Rock's verbal onslaught. Kevin Kelly might have had it the worst, usually being referred to as "Hermie," which was a short form of "Ugly Hermaphrodite." Picking on the announcers was The Rock's way of drawing attention to how pointless a backstage interview in wrestling really was. With dumb ass questions along the line of "How do you feel after losing that match?"

Line 4: "Kevin Kelly, let The Rock answer your question with a question of his own: Are you mentally, as well as physically prepared to tickle the anus of a monkey?"

[Today, we know Dwayne Johnson from big time Hollywood movies. Sure, he's got charisma to spare, but there's absolutely nothing that can come close to the magic that he created on a weekly basis as The Rock in the WWE. There have been some amazing mic-workers over the years in the world of wrestling, but none will ever surpass The Great One. That's why the self-proclaimed "Most Electrifying Man in Sports Entertainment" is the star of our latest edition of Line-O-Rama.]


Line: (interrupting quite rudely) "It doesn't matter what your name is!"

Ah, that's just like The Rock. He'll make you think like he actually cares about you. About how you feel, or what you think. About your name, or you favorite ice cream. And just when you think you're "in." When you think you'll get to sit at the cool kids table, he'll tear you down with one famous line. The most famous instance of this tactic, which was used frequently over the years, was during Chris Jericho's awesome WWF debut. Jericho became immensely popular in the WCW as a hilarious cruiserweight heel – and his entrance into the WWF was met with a huge pop. But that wasn't good enough for The Rock, who was notorious for not ever having paid attention to anyone except himself.


Line: "With a haircut like that and a face like that, it looks like Billy Ray Cyrus went and had sex with a retarded hyena!"

The Rock and the legendary late Eddie Guerrero didn't cross paths all that much, but when they did meet, The Rock let loose a maelstrom of insults the likes of which were never duplicated. Aside from the "retarded hyena" remark, The Rock would barely let Guerrero finish a sentence without interrupting him with absurd noises. The Rock had created an entirely new way of winning an argument with a foe. Abrasive Gibberish.


Line: "What'cha gonna do brother , when the hublubblub brr blub boo blur…"

Okay, I'm not exactly sure how to write out that phrase. Yes, it's a quick little moment, but it's caused me to laugh for about two hours straight now. The Rock and Hulk/Hollywood Hogan clashed in two big PPV matches. The second time around, The Rock was the homecoming "hero" who was now playing out the villain role by acting like a movie star a**hole. The funny thing was that, aside from acting a bit more cowardly, The Rock's character never needed that much tweeking to become a full blown heel. He was always an absolute jerk no matter what.

This is a long video, I know. You can watch the whole thing, or jump ahead to about the 8:30 mark to watch Rock try and imitate old school Hogan-speak.

Of course, just a year before The Rock was beloved and making fun of Hogan and The N.W.O. The Rock was at his absolute best when he got a bit "meta" and called out other wrestlers' gimmicks


Line 1: "On top of all that, look at this guy. I mean he's an idiot. He's 7 feet of pure idiot. You put his brain in a parakeet... zing! It'll fly backwards."

Line 2: "All of a sudden you're doing jumping jacks. You're happy because Kane can talk! The big, red retard can finally speak!"

The Rock could make mincemeat out of people who thought they were clever. Imagine how one-sided the verbal war was between The Rock and…Kane! Kane, who never uttered a sound that didn't sound like a disgusting guttural moan. This was like shooting hellfire fish in a brimstone barrel. The Rock was free to call Kane a big giant dummy every chance he could spare a breath. The Rock also absolutely insisted that Kane, while an imposing figure, was definitely "part retarded."

Then, one day…an amazing thing happened. Kane talked. And cut a great promo. Of course, The Rock is there too, making fun of Kamala and King Kong Bundy.


Line 1: "Now, Badass, you run your mouth about Summerslam. Well, here's the situation. The Rock says this, if the Rock hits you he'll kill you. If he misses, the wind behind the punch will give you pneumonia and you'll die anyway. So the choice is yours, jabroni!'"

Line 2:"The night you won King of the Ring, you got down on your knees, put your little hands together and you said a prayer and it sounded like this: "Oh, dear God…you see my name's Billy and I just won King of the Ring. But there's one problem. Everybody still thinks that I absolutely suck!"

Many people can mark Billy Gunn's feud with The Rock as, well, the last time Billy Gunn was worth mentioning in conversation. Most everyone that won King of the Ring had been able to use the momentum to transform themselves into a big star. Billy, on the other hand, entered into a top line feud with The Rock – a feud that would do nothing but bury him. Forever. In fact, he's still buried.

Two years later, Edge would even make a promise not to "Billy Gunn" his King of the Ring title.


Line:"Happy Birthday to Steph. You're a ho with big breasts. So take the night off from hooking, if you smell what The Rock is cooking!"

Once upon a time, THE person to verbally berate was Daddy's Little Girl, Stephanie McMahon. And no one could do it better than The Rock. Except perhaps Jericho. But that's a whole different Line-O-Rama.

Let's see. She's a woman so…add the two, divide by four and…THE ROCK SAYS YOU'RE A SLUT! Yes, heir apparent to the entire WWE paid her dues for years by getting called a sleazy ho. Also, getting giant breast implants during this time both helped and hurt her image.

Let's face it; watching The Rock was exciting because you could instantly see him working out new things to say and new insults to hurl each week. It was very "in the moment" and you could see catch phrases and t-shirts pop up, literally, out of nowhere. You could watch his phrases and barbs actually evolve over time until they began to mean completely different things. There are hundreds of Rock moments to choose from, so please chime in on the boards down below and give us your favorite Rock moment. Let us know what you thi...


Heh. Just kidding. Let us know.


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