Your Man's Infidelity Triggers
Posted Wed, Mar 19, 2008, 10:54 am PDT
When a high-profile man gets high-profile press for high-price sex, it's enough to get the collective voice of women asking a whole bunch of why questions.
Why do men cheat? Why can't they control themselves? Why do they have to pay for it? The answer may seem simple at first (if he's not being satisfied at home, he'll roam the neighborhood). But the reasons are a little more nuanced than that.
Some guys are simply serial cheaters - think about the trail of rumors that followed Bill Clinton into the White House. But other guys, like Eliot Spitzer, seem like upstanding citizens until wham, bam, thank you ma'am, they show exactly how low they're willing to go. What is it, then, that triggers a normally faithful man to cross the line from from being committed to breaking trust, from home cooking to ordering out?
Power (or Cash)
It's not to say that entry-level men who make minimum salaries don't cheat, but it's also pretty clear that powerful men with the means to withdraw hefty sums of cash (for hotels, gifts, prostitutes) are often candidates. It's not just because they have more options; it's also because they think their invincibility in the office will also extend to their private lives, which they assume will remain private no matter how high-profile they may be. Arrogance is a form of blindness, after all.
A Sudden Change in Status
Maybe he hasn't been elected Governor, but has your guy gone from middle management to senior exec lately? Simply making the leap from corporal to captain can put a guy in a difficult spot - he's suddenly separated from his office crew, facing challenges at work that you may not relate to, and looking for someone to tell his woes to - even if it costs $1300 to get her to keep quiet and leave after he's seemingly unburdened himself.
The Family Circus
I'm not saying it's right, and I'm not saying it's fair, but some men can feel like they're last in the family pecking order once the gaggle of children dominates schedules, time, and his wife's attention. That doesn't mean that kids drive their fathers to cheat, nor does it mean that families are to blame. It just means that the situation can make some men more vulnerable to be influenced by...
An Unexpected Ego Stroke
A note from an ex, a compliment from a co-worker, a good rapport with a server at his favorite bar. If the affection in his primary relationship dwindles as time goes on, a guy's hormones can skyrocket when he feels the charge of a new woman showing some attention. Most times, innocent bantering is just that, but coupled with other triggers, the chemical reaction is a dangerous one.
Plain and simple: The Internet has made it easier for men to feel safer-in everything from looking for dates and mates to sending innuendo-laced IMs to the hot coworker on the third floor.
The apparent safety of flirting in his own keyboard can build an unhealthy feeling that everything he's doing is OK, making it more likely he can slip into making some very stupid choices. An addictive personality only compounds the problem. To find out if he might have one, take this important quiz.
But don't live in fear, either. Here are 10 simple secrets successful spouses know that will keep a marriage firing on all cylinders for years to come.
Have other triggers or observations to share? Please lend your voice to this important topic.
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